One of the most common side-effects of undergoing chemotherapy is hair loss. It doesn’t necessarily have to be scalp hair, one loses eyebrows and eyelashes too.
This was the most difficult for me to deal with as well. I, like most girls, loved my hair dearly. All my life, I was adorned with compliments for my black, long, thick and naturally straight hair. I was always ready before all my other girl friends before parties only because my hair required no additional work.
Before chemotherapy started, I was told that I will start losing my hair within two to three weeks of the first dose; 13 days passed and so did the thought of losing my hair. On the 14th day, reality struck. I saw more strands than usual while combing and from that moment I knew it was happening. I couldn’t help but break down.
From that day, it got worse daily and each time I touched my hair, a few strands would come down. Although it was absolutely painless physically, it hurt me deeply to see my hair slipping away like that.
After a week, I stopped combing my hair and began keeping them tied. Every few hours I would find a few strands of hair lying on my shoulder, waiting to be brushed away. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow would be full of hair strands. Although this soon became routine, each day was just as painful as the first and it made me cry every single time. Seeing me go through this ordeal every single day, my parents advised me to shave them off because eventually I would lose them all.
However, even the thought was repulsive. Some part of me still believed that this could be controlled and I would not actually turn bald. But with my falling hair all over the house, it became impossible to manage; I finally went to the salon for cancer patients at MD Anderson Cancer Institute. The hair stylist there advised that I could get a bob to make the hairfall manageable because with more chemos on the way, it would only get worse.
The bob was a bold move for me because in my 23 years, I never even had hair shorter than my chest. Contrary to my expectations, the style suited me and I left the salon smiling widely, knowing that I looked better than before.
I kept the bob for a little over a week when my second chemo was scheduled. Post the second dose, my hair started falling off more rapidly than before.
Moments before shaving my head off
One day, while my mom was washing my hair, she brushed her hands through my hair and strands kept falling and never stopped. Each time she stroked my hair, a thick bunch of strands came out. By the end of it, I saw a bald patch on the right side of my head. No matter how much I moved my hair from the other side to cover the patch, it would not get covered. At this time, it became a necessity for me to shave the remaining hair off; I just could not walk out of the house with a bald patch.
I went to the Salon and was determined to not shed a tear as the stylist shaved off the remnants of my once-luxuriant hair. When she was done, she asked me to turn around and look into the mirror. My heart went to my mouth and it took me 30 seconds to finally turn around and take a look at myself. When I did look at the new me, it took me another minute to get familiar with this picture. Once I did, I smiled.
It was at that moment that I realised that I felt the same. Nothing had changed about me. I was still the same person whose thoughts and beliefs remained unchanged. At that moment, I knew something that was so dear to me was actually so insignificant. I saw how inner beauty radiates itself and physical appearance is so trivial and I smiled at the contentment I felt, at what was easily the most difficult moment of my young life.
How could I not take a selfie the day I turned bald?
I loved being bald. The wind is like balmy sea breeze on the bare head in the summer. I had bid farewell to bad hair days and the trouble of shampooing and conditioning my hair every other day.
I got to try new hairstyles every week with numerous wig options and the compliments never stopped either. Only now they were for the way I tied my bandanas!
#TipfromTanisa: If I had never gotten my hair cut short, I would have never known a style that suited me better than something I had been used to all my life. So go ahead, take the chance, leave the shore and sail away. Do not get intertwined in a web of trivial things.
Be generous, love unconditionally, laugh often, smile always and shine through. Show everyone, and most of all, yourself, how beautiful you really are.
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