The 'Care' in Cancer
- Stutee Kulkarni
- May 11
- 6 min read
A fictional short story by Stutee Kulkarni
This is a story of a doting caregiver who, despite facing mental health issues that make it difficult for her to express her emotions, manages to be empathetic towards her clients.
Megha Shukla is a caregiver who has been working at Digvijay Hospitals for the last 10 years. She is known to be the most alert, diligent, supportive, and empathetic caregiver in their hospital. Never has there been a single incident of incompetence from her end, and she has taken the bare minimum number of holidays. Currently, she is working as a senior caregiver at the geriatric cancer patient ward.
Every day, she caters to several inpatient as well as outpatient elderly cancer patients. Her role involves providing companionship (she is someone to talk to during hospital visits), daily support, including personal hygiene, mobility support, medication management, meal management, and light housekeeping. She has been regularly assisting an elderly cancer patient named Mrs Dipti Prasad, who has been visiting frequently for treatment for the last 2 years. Thus, they have formed a good rapport with each other.
One day, while dealing with a routine daily support task, Megha feels difficulty in concentrating while assisting Mrs Prasad. However, Megha quickly grounds herself back in the present, therefore not impacting her task assistance. Over time, Megha increasingly feels less motivated to socialise or interact with any of her clients. She feels she might just be exhausted from her long work hours. Hence, after her compulsory monthly counselling session, she is advised to take a few days off from work.
Based on this advice, Megha books her long-awaited tour to Shimla. She plans to enjoy herself to the fullest, despite feeling increasingly isolated. However, every night, she starts hearing a faint murmur that increases with her every attempt to distract herself from it. The sound keeps repeating, “You are doing it wrong, and you are not good enough.”
This sound haunts her throughout the trip, leading to a lack of sleep. By the time it is her day to return to work, she has very little energy left to function efficiently. Days of sleeplessness, continual hearing of voices that bother her, all result in a drained mind and body. Regardless, Megha pushes herself and goes to work. She decides not to tell the hospital psychologist, thinking it would not impact her job.
Once at work, she immerses herself in taking care of her cancer-affected clients. Nothing else seems to bother her at that time. Her work, on the day she returns from her holidays, involves providing more companionship-related work. But as soon as she returns to providing task-based assistance to Mrs Prasad, she hears the voice again. Looking visibly distracted and distressed, Mrs Prasad asks if she is alright. Megha cannot find the accurate words to respond to Mrs Prasad, and can’t even complete the ongoing task.
Over time, the psychologist observes changes in Megha and gently begins discussing these
changes with her during their monthly sessions. After a psychological evaluation, it is
deduced that Megha is losing touch with reality at times, and the voice she hears is not real, but an auditory hallucination. She is prescribed anti-psychotic medications to handle her mild to moderate symptoms and parallelly begins psychotherapy. Since Megha’s symptoms are mild, the psychologist decides to review the impact of this treatment before making a decision about her ability to continue her job.
Megha’s job role is now limited to providing companionship to her existing cancer-affected
clients. This makes her feel less valuable as she feels she is demoted. All her existing patients
are debriefed about her condition and refrained from discussing with her, and amongst each
other, about the same.
In truth, Megha’s high empathy towards her elderly cancer-affected clients makes them want to spend time with her, despite knowing her mental health condition. Hence, they agree to any conditions put forth by the hospital just to receive the daily 30-45 minutes of undivided individual time with her as their caregiver companion.
It is astonishing that despite Megha’s mild psychosis and lack of emotional expression, Megha’s emotional empathy remains intact. Her emotional empathy allows her to feel and understand what the other person is feeling. Unfortunately, despite being indispensable to her clients, she feels invalid in that hospital. Nothing makes her change her negative image of herself. “The negative voice I hear reminds me of my true place,” she says to the psychologist.
After 2 months of witnessing Megha’s self-image and self-confidence deteriorate, her client Mrs Prasad cannot take it any longer. One day in her session with Megha, Mrs Prasad urges Megha to see herself in the mirror. “Look in the mirror, Megha and tell me what you see?” Megha takes her pocket mirror and clumsily opens it, but as soon as she sees her blunt, expressionless face, she quickly puts the mirror away. Seeing this, Mrs Prasad comfortingly requests Megha, “Could you please come beside me and then try to open that mirror again?”
Megha is confused as to the purpose of this activity, but does it anyway to make Mrs Prasad
happy. She holds the mirror in a way that both of them can be visible together. Seeing Mrs Prasad smile makes Megha feel happy internally, but her face is still expressionless. Mrs Prasad gently places her right hand on Megha’s head. Suddenly, the ongoing negative voice inside her head stops!
For the first time in 2 months, Megha feels like she is not alone and gives a small smile. Mrs
Prasad notices this beautiful change and asserts, “Now you always remember Megha, you can
see me in this mirror, and feel my warmth on your head at the same time, so this is real. You
are not alone.”
Tears roll down Megha’s face, but she does not know how to articulate that efficiently. She continues to quietly listen to Mrs Prasad’s words. “The reason I am giving you my blessings, Megha, is so that you acknowledge your impact on my life as a caregiver. After my treatment
cycles, I was not able to move my body at all because of the tiredness for a few days. But now look, here I am! Even though I just completed my current chemotherapy session, I feel happy, and I am smiling, despite not knowing whether my treatment cycle has worked. All the credit goes to you. You bring joy to my life and make these hospital visits comfortable for me. You continue to understand what I feel, and also feel my emotions, even on the days I am not able to fully emotionally express myself. I am eternally grateful for your empathy and compassion, despite having your own battles to deal with. These warm blessings are a reminder of the positive difference you continue to make in my life.”
Megha quickly utters thank you to her client and excuses herself for 2 minutes. She runs to the locker room to have a few moments to herself. As she sits down on her stool to process Mrs Prasad’s words, she starts thinking, “I cannot at times comprehend, or express my own emotions properly, but I am able to feel Mrs Prasad’s happiness. Maybe I still have some emotional empathy and compassion left inside my heart. I will not let my mental health condition define my entire life, just like how Mrs Prasad does not let her cancer define her life!”
Megha gets up with more energy than ever and sprints towards Mrs Prasad’s room. She apologises for suddenly leaving the room and completes their conversation. Just as Mrs Prasad is about to be discharged, Megha brightly smiles at her and confidently says, “Thank you for making me realise my value, and especially the value of care and empathy. I shall always ensure you have the CARE in your Cancer treatment.”
This meaningful conversation with Mrs Prasad motivates Megha to be more positive and responsive towards her own psychological treatment. She follows her treatment plan and begins to have more faith in her psychologist. She chooses to be compassionate towards herself. Ultimately, the day arrives when Megha tells herself, “I accept this new normal.”
Author's note: The author would like to credit my friends Ms Keshavi Priti, Ms Maitri Waikar, and Ms Pranali Chalgeri for opening my mind to diverse ideas, and giving me the conducive environment to write this short story.
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